“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
“I remixed a remix. It was back to normal.” – Mitch Hedberg
“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.”
“I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.”
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
“I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed.”